before

when you look at me
I feel like a beautiful woman
no tears
no fears
no sorrows
and no worries
just you
just me
just us
you're all man
with you
I smile
I am
I can
together we can conquer the world
alone - two wondering souls
our paths have crossed
more times than we know
not us, just destiny in control
our past holds pain
-but more pleasure
our love is one
-to be kept and treasured

time

memories that tear
& dare to compare
old days
lost ways
our souls
lost control
while we wandered
and wondered
what our futures held
we were compelled
try to spell out our paths
would we last?
or just dwell on the past
memories enriched & strong
for so long
we tried
and cried
between love & lust
we found trust
we lost hope
& still we cope
and strive
just happy to be alive
here us two
all we've come through
joy & pain
we maintain
while delegating our strain
our blood pumps
through us
holds &
molds us
affliction of affection
pure & true connection
can lead us
in the right direction
completely
fully & truly
who? WE
just ...
you & me

letting go

you say you love me
do you really?
will you love enough
to let me go?
you wont chose me
so let me be
you're selfish
you want to have it all
you wont step up
or stand up
so sit back
and take what you are given
you said i made you...
feel good
relax
feel comfortable
be yourself
we can drink & smoke
fuck & joke
laugh & play
cuddle & lay
but somehow
it's not enough
to keep you
here...
or keep you
near...


what goes around
comes back around
karma is a bitch
this is evident
once upon a time
until THE END...
no, not us
not now
or ever
let me go
so i can grow
for the love
or lack there of
but let me go
let me turn
and walk away
or run
until i find
that kind
of love
that love's back
enough to say
yes...you
i choose you
enough to make me
complete

look around
when all is said & done
what do we have?
who are you?
a man
that wont be defined
by a choice
so instead you'll hide
step aside
decide not to choose
so WE lose
you'll never know
if love will grow
you'd rather let go
of us
no trust

did u know?

did u know that sometimes i cry
when i'm alone
and you're busy
being you

did u know that sometimes i cry
when you leave
cause you're late
going home

did you know that sometimes i cry
when i give
your time
to someone else

did you know that sometimes i cry
cause i'd rather be
with you
then with him

did you know that sometimes i cry
when you touch my body
so gently
and pierce my soul
did you know?

a letter to daddy...

i am void of the right words to say
so i will use what i can find
i miss u so fucking much
i hate your guts
i want you around when your not
and i want you to leave my sight
when ur near.
what the fuck am i supposed to do now?
i dont have shit left
you hurt me so fuckin deep
i'm sick of crying
but the tears just keep coming
i want to run away and never see u again
but that is not the rational thing to do
why cant u just be gone
i waited & wanted for us
im am disgusted
im hurt
im angry
im sad
i miss u
i want u
i hate u
i love u
i need u
i need u to leave me alone
i dont know what the fuck i'm doing
what am i saying?
i cant do this
i love u
i love u
i fucking love u
do u know what that means?
do u know what that feels like right now??
do u know how much that hurts?
this is the bullshit
i cant do this shit
i am fucking dying inside
i asked u not to do this to me
u promised not to do this to me

simple choice

in the confines of my mind
with us so far behind
without you
this abuse
there's no wishin or hoping
no touching or groping
there's just that what was
no longer us
no longer me
this is no reality
maybe a past moment
and it passed us by
i said goodbye
i cried
cause again u lied
u refused to choose
u never meant me
u said it could be
u never meant us
it was just the lust
thoughts of u having
what u did not deserve
the lack of courage
u wouldnt stand for us
u stood for lust
u stand for the chance
at a glance
to run & hide
dry your eyes
behind closed doors
in the shadow of our past
ur eyes were sincere
but ur mouth told these lies
i knew all along
but still held on
to what...?
im unsure
i tried to endure
the thought that we
could eventually be
but you would not comply
instead you chose to lie
again, and again
now this is the end
i wont do this again
i can not comprehend
how you can stand before me
looking right at me
and ask...
WHAT AM I TO DO?
my answer is simply...
I want you to choose

distraught & confused
he stares and wonders
what her intentions are
she says nothing
silent
she asks only that he be patient
with their situation
as she is working
working on her
working on him
unbenounced to him
she is working on them

the words escape her
and from her past-
comes light shedding on fear
and dark shattered pieces
of memories
broken and torn
the pages of life that have been uttered
by unspoken words
given only to be taken away
the many masks that are her
she has not emotion
see she lost her emotion
hasnt had that emotion
since he raped her emotion
men are her candy
she has a sweet tooth
from one to the next-
him unto him
them, oh & him
yes for years and for days
she replays
her past
how it tortures her now
she cant rid herself now
dodging daggers now
filled with guilt?
not her
see she learned from mistakes
although that sometimes breaks her
it will never take her
just wait til u finally see her...
see what became of her

DONE

YOU...
I'm finished...
I can't & won't
THE MUTHA FUCKING END

take it down a noch...

For the few of you I have allowed in my space
I am void of inspiration

My mentor (you know who you are) has left the building

If you've come here, you should know that you are VIP 4 real...only da strong

I dont find the words to express the truth right now...maybe in time
but for now I'm gonna take it down a noch...PEACE

a lil thing called LOVE

from the first time I saw you
when I looked into your eyes
I KNEW...
you were the one
I KNEW...
I had to have you
I had to be yours

when you said hello
the sincerity of your voice
the perfection of your smile
you were the most fascinating thing
I'd ever encountered
I was amazed by your character
your grace, your presence
perfection outdone
I was speechless
breathless

your touch had me mezmerized
I was unaware of the quality
I was trapped in your essence
by the soft caress
your soothing embrace
as you loved my body
my mind
but first my soul
you kissed me with
intelligence
your treasures devoted
to me
there was romance
affection and honor
in US
appreciation
worship
while we pleasured
one another
with intimate seduction

promiscuous actions revealed
US
bare,
stripped,
the truth,
unclothed,
BASIC

declaring US
available for all to see
it was just US
we had uncovered
the facts:

we were everlasting
we endured
we overcame
we were persistant
unbreakable
this thing they call love

it became ~US~

~A LOVE STORY~

UNCOVERED IN THE DARKNESS
TEARS OF ACID
BURNING THE FLESH
OFF THE FACE OF INNOCENSE
SLAIN TO LAY IN THE WASTE OF TIME
UNDRESSED
AFTER BEING
FORCED OPEN
STRAINED
UNSPEAKABLE ACTIONS
SILENT TORMENT
LONG CRIES
EYES CONNECTED
BLOOD STAINED
EMOTIONS,
REGRETS,
ANGERED DISTRESS
DISAPPOINTING WORDS
UNSPOKEN
IF LOOKS COULD KILL
AS THEY SOMETIMES
WILL
THE WOMB AND THE SEED
UNITED TO BE SEPERATED
SETIMENTS
UNCONTROLLED WAILING
FROM VIOLENCE
UNNECESSARY
CASUAL AND AVOIDABLE

BUT LOVE SHINED THROUGH
LIKE THE ADORATION
OF TIME
LIKE INSANE DEVOTION
WEAKNESS
AS HE WAS THERE
WHEN ALL ELSE
HAD BEEN TAKEN FROM HER
HE WAS THERE

Voice of Innocence

he fought himself
too wrapped (rapped) up
in the streets
letting the voice of reason
bring him down
never knowing
she truly lived & breathed
for him
he never understood
her actions
but like a child
she was crying out
crying for attention
for companionship

she was looking for
the father
that left her
to drown in her tears
to die in her misery
as she cried:

DADDY
why have you forsaken me?
you left me alone
you led me astray
you lied
cheated
and snatched
the voice of innocense

her soul was empty
her actions unexplained
she used her body
and abused her body
for men
unworthy
undeserving
but most of all
unwilling
to accept her
she longed for acceptance
cried out for acceptance
needed acceptance

but all he saw
was a woman
seducing
abusing
inviting
and enticing
he would look at her
and judge her
he couldn't imagine her
he never looked in her
to unveil
the deformity
of her soul

while all along
there was
silence tormenting
her aching soul
she fought and struggled
to rid herself
of the past
but he was there
to remind her
to hold the broken mirror
for her
so she could see
at every glance
who she truly was
he pointed the finger
laughed out loud
giving guilt
handing her shame
spoon feeding her
the past
day after rainy day
night after pitch black night
never understanding
the girl she was
still crying:

DADDY
why have you forsaken me?
you left me alone
you led me astray
you lied
cheated
and snatched
the voice of innocense